What? You wanted more posts? You, one person who spoke to me privately, believe that I must continue posting? Is this blog not a testament to laziness?
Well, you have awoken me from my slumber and here I am to write extensively about something I know “you” won’t care about. Where has my brain been for these many weeks? I’ve recently played the SNES video game “Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong’s double trouble” from start to finish.*
*Note for nerds: No I did not beat or even unlock the bonus island of “Krematoa”, so fuck you.
First some history. DKC3 (as it’s known by absolutely nobody) was a commercial flop due to having been released right after the N64 came out. There also was a lack of interest in the characters. Remember this is the third game in a series, so let’s look at the character’s from the first two games:
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong: The "Swinging Bachelor" Years
These guys are the classic pair. In Donkey Kong Country, you play as both Donkey and his nephew Diddy, and people liked that. It was almost like old experienced Donkey Kong was taking Diddy through this coming of age adventure.
Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong: The "Are you my girlfriend or my cousin?" years
For the record she is supposed to be his girlfriend, but they’re also both supposed to be 10, so whatever that means. Plus it’s a little awkward to have an unmarried girlfriend with the same last name as you. However, this pair was still pretty palatable, since girls liked Dixie and boys already liked Diddy from the first game.
A pattern was started with these two games, the main character from the second game was the side kick from the first one. So in following that pattern Dixie Kong is the main character in DKC3 and her side kick is… this asshole:
The "Who the fuck is Kiddy Kong?" Years
This is one of the reasons this game is not popular. People didn’t give two shits about Kiddy Kong. Boys already tolerated Dixie Kong, but now this whimpering ape child is one of the only TWO PLAYABLE KONG CHARACTERS in the entire game? AND THE OTHER ONE IS A GIRL?!
This game did not receive the reputation it deserves, some even called the game “the least challenging of the series”. This is not something someone who played the whole thing would say, this is something someone would say after playing for two minutes and getting sick of playing as Kiddy or Dixie. Although I don’t think the game over screen helped win any fans.
A crib? But I fell into a pit of lava...
How challenging was it? You’ll have to wait for part 2!
Corpulence/Opulence Optional 